


What If?

by No_Thanks_March22



Category: All Time Low, Bring Me The Horizon, Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, Pierce the Veil, Twenty One Pilots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-03
Updated: 2017-02-10
Packaged: 2018-09-21 19:31:02
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 10
Words: 2,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9563261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/No_Thanks_March22/pseuds/No_Thanks_March22
Summary: What if? What if no-on had saved Gerard? What if Oli followed through with his suicidal thoughts? What if Alex's panic attacks and anxiety got too much for him? What if Vic cut too close to his artery? What if Patrick hadn't found Pete in time? What if Frank's depression took him places he never wanted to go? What if Patrick's thoughts got the better of him? What if Mikey never woke up? What if Tyler let the darkness win?What if every band that's saved your life didn't exist because there was no-one there to save theirs?





	1. Gerard

I sneak into the tour bus and go straight to the bathroom, searching for my razor and grinning when I find it.

"This'll do perfectly!" I mutter as I stagger off the bus, heading somewhere and no where. I come across a bridge and make my way underneath it to find no-one. I'm about to sit down when something doesn't feel right, this isn't the way to go. I start laughing as my unintended pun finds it's way through my alcohol fogged brain. I stumble back to my feet and make my way up onto the bridge; sitting on the wall. I look at my razor and throw it in the water, watching it float away.

Why am I still here? Why have I waited this long to do this? Because you had Helena then and who do you have now? No-one.

Helena, oh my dear grandmother. What have I done? I'm sorry. I suddenly stand up on the wall of the bridge and look up at the pitch black sky.

"I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! I HATE YOU! YOU LEFT ME HERE TO DROWN! YOU LEFT ME!" I scream to no-one as tears of anger and grief slide down my cheeks.

What do I really have to live for? I have fans, I guess. But we're never gonna get anywhere with it. It was a stupid idea.

"Can you hear me?

Are you near me?

Can we pretend to leave and then we'll meet again

When both our cars collide?" I sing quietly.

I decide to call Frank, Ray and Mikey to say goodbye.

"Gee?" Mikey asks.

"I just wanted to call and say I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what?" Worry laces Ray's voice.

"For me."

"Ohgod!" Frank breathes, "Gee, please don't do this."

I sigh and look down at the water below me. I'm gonna do it. They're never gonna take me alive. On the count of three. One..... Two.....

"GERARD!"


	2. Oli

I close my eyes and focus on my breathing. I'm in that part f m mind I wish I cold lock shut and never have to visit again. The part where my thoughts are violent and often scary.

That deep, dark corner in everyone's room is where I am now. My back pressed against the wall and my knees brought up to my chest.

I'm paralysed. I want to get out but I can't move. Tears are silently sliding down my cheeks as I think of any other way out.

None.

I can't do this to my friends. To my family.

What if it is the only way out? But it isn't, others have found their way out. Their way home. Out of this place. This feeling. This sinking feeling. 

How do people find the light in the dark? How do they not let it consume them?

"Oliver!" Mum calls, dragging me out of my thought. For now, but I know I'll be back there.

\-----

I was right. I'm back here again. In that place I promised I'd never go back to. I will end it this time. This is the only way out. All the other ways have not worked for me.

I'm home alone so no-one will find me in time. I've tried to do this before with pills but my mum found me so this time I have my dad's gun. It will be quick and painless. The way everyone wants to go. It will be like I've passes away in my sleep.

Just with more blood and a loud noise. Oh God! The noise! Someone is bound to hear it! Maybe if I do it quickly it will be quieter. Only one way to find out.

I raise the gun to my temple. Taking a deep breath, I close my eyes and pull the trigger.

BANG!


	3. Alex

I enter the mall and immediately regret letting Jack drag me along with him as I see the masses of people. We start walking and people are bumping into me as I try to stay calm.

I get a swooping feeling in my stomach which is accompanied by my mouth going dry. I grab Jack's arm as my chest tightens and a tight knot begins to form near my heart that is beating much too fast to be healthy.

"Alex?" Jack asks as my face flushes red, becoming exceedingly hot, as though I have a fever. I look down, trying to steady myself but all I see are my shaking hands. My hands are shaking, trembling like leaves in an autumn breeze, and everything is spinning. The ground is coming up to meet me.

"Alex, you need to breathe," Jack appears in my line of vision. That's when I hear everyone else's voices. They're all too loud.

I open my mouth to tell Jack I can't breathe but nothing comes out because the words are stuck in my throat. I begin to wheeze now, the noise is horrific and tears begin to stream down my cheeks. I begin to panic as my breathing sort of stops. I'm gonna die here.

"I'm dying," Is all I can think, over and over again, the words playing on repeat as I gasp for air like a fish out of water.

"Breathe. Breathe. Come on Alex, just breathe" Jack's begging me but soon I can't hear him over my hyperventilating. Black dots are appearing in front of my vision and dancing across Jack's face.

"Help," I choke out before my eyes close. I feel myself falling.

Falling. . . .


	4. Vic

I sigh as I slam my front door shut; I'm safe. They can't get me in here. 

"Vic? That you?" Mum calls. 

"Yeah!" I call back, "I'm gonna go upstairs" 

"V - " I run up to my room before she can see the forming bruise on my cheek. 

As soon as I'm in my room I put a chair against the door so Mum and Dad can't get in. I put my bag down and kneel in front of my chest of drawers; opening the bottom draw and pulling out two of my favourite sweaters. I set them down to one side and see the box I was looking for. Taking it out I open it to see my blade. 

I pick it up with shaking hands and glance at the door before placing the blade to my arms. 

"Vic?" I hear my little brother , Mike, knock on my bedroom door, making me jump and cut deeper than I wanted to. 

"Go away Mike!" I yell, mad at him for interrupting me. 

"Vic, please let me in," He begs, sounding close to tears. 

"I said GO AWAY!" I scream, tears escaping my closed eyes.

I hear him scamper away so I press the blade to my arm for the second time. I feel it pierce the skin and flinch as the pain brings back memories that I have tried to forget. My anger and loneliness doesn't seem to subside but get worse. 

I see blurs of red through my tears and lift my blade to the pulsing vein on the inside of my wrist. 'I'll be able to stop the bleeding, nothing bad can happen'. I think so I press the blade down. 

Blood starts spurting out and I drop the silver weapon to cover my wrist to slow down the blood flow but it doesn't stop. It flows around my hand, through my fingers and onto my floor. 

"I guess this is it" I say and pull on one of my two favourite sweaters, "At least die in the things you love the most." 

I lay on the floor and pull my other sweater to me and close my eyes, letting the Grim Reaper take me. . .


	5. Pete

I get home from the recording studio and drop my rucksack as soon as I'm inside, running towards the cupboard where I keep my Atavan. I knock everything else out of the way and grab the bottle as soon as I see it. Opening the cap and tipping the bottle to have nothing fall into my hand. I'm out of Atavan. I'm gonna go mad!

I feel like that book Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. I'm fighting to keep control of myself, I don't wanna become Mr. Hyde because last time I did I lost myself completely and ended up hurting someone I love. 

I need something. Anything. I need something to calm the beast. I look up and see one bottle left standing, mocking me. Daring me to take it. One can't hurt. Can it? 

I take the bottle in my hands and go into the living room as the bottle feels safe in my hand. One. And one only. I mutter this under my breath as I open the bottle and tip one into my hand. I put it in my mouth and swallow it dry. I suddenly feel the longing for more. More to end the pain I go through. 

Would it really hurt? Who would miss me? No-one. I guess I should at least write something to say goodbye. But wouldn't that make it hurt more? Just swallow the pills already! 

I tip my head back and swallow all the pills in the bottle, the effects are almost immediate. I suddenly feel really drowsy and decide to lay down as my eyelids begin to feel heavy. 

\-----------------------

2 Years Later:

"This song was written for a friend of ours who is no longer with us today because the beast won his fight. Please sing along if you know the words and Pete, I know you're listening so I hope you know I'm sorry I didn't get there in time." Patrick says, his voice cracking as he introduces the song. Joe places a comforting hand on Patrick's shoulder for a second before going back to his mic. 

I'm sleeping my way out of this one

With anyone who will lie down

I'll be stuck fixated on one star

When the world is crashing down

I keep telling myself

I keep telling myself

I'm not the desperate type

But you've got me looking in through blinds

I keep telling myself

I keep telling myself

I'm not the desperate type

I'm sitting out dances on the wall

Trying to forget everything that isn't you

I'm not going home alone

Cause I don't do too well

I'm sitting out dances on the wall

Trying to forget everything that isn't you

I'm not going home alone

Cause I don't do too well on my own

The only thing worse than not knowing

Is you thinking that I don't know

I'm having another episode

I just need a stronger dose

I keep telling myself

I keep telling myself

I'm not the desperate type

But you've got me looking in through blinds

I keep telling myself

I keep telling myself

I'm not the desperate type

I'm sitting out dances on the wall

Trying to forget everything that isn't you

I'm not going home alone

Cause I don't do too well

I'm sitting out dances on the wall

Trying to forget everything that isn't you

I'm not going home alone

Cause I don't do too well on my own

Da da-da, da da-da, da-da-da-da

Da da-da, da da-da, da-da-da-da

Da da-da, da da-da, da-da-da-da

Doo doo doo, doo doo doo

Da da-da, da da-da, da-da-da-da

Da da-da, da da-da, da-da-da-da

Da da-da, da da-da, da-da-da-da

Doo doo doo, doo doo doo

I keep telling myself

I keep telling myself

I'm not the desperate type

But you've got me looking in through blinds

I keep telling myself

I keep telling myself

I'm not the desperate type

I'm sitting out dances on the wall

Trying to forget everything that isn't you

I'm not going home alone

Cause I don't do too well on my own

 

"Rest in Peace Pete and we will always miss you. "


	6. Frank

I can't do this anymore. Everything just seem "off" or "wrong." I don't know how to feel hopeful or happy about anything.

I curl in a ball on my bed, sobbing for no apparent reason again. I let my mind wander to everything that is wrong with my life which probably isn't going to help me in anyway. One: I live in a fairly poor area in New Jersey. Two: My parents divorced when I was younger, and now I only live with my mother. Three: I'm always ill, suffering from ear infections, bronchitis and food allergies. Four: I'm lactose intolerant . Five: I'm badly bullied at school but too scared to tell Mum. 

I want to end this in some way. Any way will do. I mean even getting up in the morning requires a lot of effort. Carrying on a normal conversation is a struggle. I can never seem to express myself and I stumble over my words. I can't make simple decisions like should I get up.

Smiling is stiff and awkward, it's like my smiling muscles are frozen. I feel like there's a glass wall between me and the rest of the world. I'm always anxious and I worry a lot. Everything is hopeless. I can't do anything right. Suicide is my welcome relief. 

I'm going to do it. I'll use pills because they're painless and I'll drift off peacefully. 

I open my drawers and open the bottle of pills and quickly down them all with the water Mum always puts by my bed. I smile as the effects are immediate and I feel sleepy. Like I could drift away to Neverland. 

I close my eyes and let myself be taken away from this cruel world forever. . . .


	7. Patrick

I sit facing the gun, shaking all over. 

"You've held it so many times before so why are you scared now?" I ask myself. 

Because you want to hold it to your head and pull the trigger! The voice inside my head laughs. 

"Shut up! Shut up! Shut UP!" I scream, rocking myself. I want the voice in my head to go away. It torments me and judges my every move. Hinting towards a better life, one that isn't here but on the other side. He says he'll leave if I go to the other side where life is better. 

Come on. Just do it. What are you waiting for? 

"I don't want to this!" I sob, shaking my head. 

Of course you do! Is ickle Pattycakes scared?

"I'm not scared!" 

Then why don't you do it?

"NO!" I shake my head and scoot away from the gun. 

Do it

"I. Don't. Want. To."

I said DO IT!

I flinch and slowly pick up the gun, feeling the cool piece of metal in my hand. 

Putting to your head and release the safety latch

I do as my monster tells me and choke on a sob as the laugh echoes around my head. 

All you have to do is pull the trigger. . . 

I squeeze my eyes shut and press my finger to the trigger. 

BANG!

Straight back to hell . . . .


	8. Mikey

"I'm so sorry I left you Mikey." I hear Mum's voice crack. 

'It's okay! I'm here! I can hear you'

"Why would you even start on the drugs?" Dad sighs, squeezing my hand. 

When I lost Gerard I lost everything I had to live for. I needed something to pass the days.

"He was grieving Donald!" Mum backs me up. 

"We all were" Dad argues. 

Mikey, His voice, Come with me. It's time.

I see Gerard standing next to my bed. 

"It is time for what?" 

To leave Mikey. To be free. A smile plays across his lips and I reach out for his hand but hesitate.

"NURSE! DOCTOR! ANYONE!" Mum screams and Gerard looks at me hopefully. I place my hand in his and he helps me up. 

Let's go

He drags me away and the last thing I hear is the Cardiac Monitor fall into an ear splitting bleep...


	9. Tyler

The darkness is surrounding me, suffocating me until I can't breathe. I'm drowning while he's sitting there watching me. He's laughing and It feels like his laughter is wrapping me up in a blanket but also stabbing me. 

I wanna be a lot of things, so much is pent up inside of me. I wanna be stronger, too long I've sat here undecidedly and planning my strategy. I'm failing miserably and drastically because of him. My darkness. 

I still try to ignore the dark red blood stains on the floor but he brings them back to me. And I'm back here. Sitting in front of him with the blood on the floor between us. Is the blood mine or his? I really don't wanna do this anymore. I can't fall down anymore 'cause I'm already on the floor. 

My heart is broken and this darkness scars me until I want to end it.

That's why I'm on this chair with a noose around my neck. He's standing in front of my saying he'll catch me. Maybe he will, maybe he won't. All I know if I can only find out one way. 

I kick the chair and hear a crack as a pain shoots through me from my neck. 

It's okay, I'm here to catch you when you fall. Right now the ocean is black and black the sky is too. . .


	10. Ending

Hi! 

I guess I finished my first story on here and sorry it's so shit. I'll probably end up editig it at some point so yeah!

Thanks for reading it

 

Over and Out, 

Pete


End file.
